Bride and groom checklist: who does what, and what to pack

Most wedding checklists are written for "the couple", which is fine until you sit down together and ask who's actually doing what. This guide splits the usual checklist into the bride's jobs, the groom's jobs and the ones you share, month by month, then gives each of you a packing list for the day itself.

None of it is a rule. Tradition hands the bride the dress and the flowers and the groom the rings, the officiant and the honeymoon, but plenty of couples swap, share or hand whole areas to a parent. Use the lists as a starting point, move tasks between them until they fit the two of you, and make sure every task ends up with one name on it.

How to split the checklist

The split that works is by area, not task by task. If one of you owns the guest list from first draft to seating plan, nothing falls between two people. Our guide to starting to plan a wedding explains the method; in short:

• Decide the big things together: the budget, the guest count, the date, the venue and the main vendors.
• Then give each area one owner, who does the research, brings back two or three options and books it once you've agreed.
• Put a name and a date on every task, in one list you can both see.
• Go through it together once a week. Half an hour on what's due and what's stuck is enough.

The lists below follow the traditional split, because that's what most people search for and what most families expect. Swap anything that suits the other one of you better.

The groom's checklist

The traditional groom's list is shorter than the bride's, but it holds some of the jobs with the firmest deadlines: the officiant, the license and the rings.

12 to 8 months before

• Choose the best man and groomsmen, and tell them what you're hoping for. Our wedding party duties guide lists what each role usually takes on.
• Confirm the officiant once you have the date. Officiants book up as early as venues in busy seasons.
• Plan the honeymoon around the date, and book anything that sells out: flights, the one hotel you both want.
• Research the wedding transport: cars for the two of you and the wedding party, and a shuttle if the ceremony and reception are apart.

6 to 4 months before

• Help book the rehearsal dinner venue. Traditionally the groom's parents host the dinner, so this is often their booking.
• Choose the groom's attire, and the groomsmen's. A made-to-measure suit needs about three months; a rental shop usually wants everyone's sizes about two months before.
• Confirm the officiant's script and what you each need to write or say.

3 to 2 months before

• Buy the wedding rings, leaving time for sizing and engraving.
• Start writing your vows, if you're writing your own.
• Buy gifts for the best man and groomsmen, to hand out at the rehearsal dinner.

The last month

• Apply for the marriage license together, inside your jurisdiction's window. Our guide to wedding legal paperwork has the steps for the US and Canada.
• Confirm the transport schedule and the honeymoon bookings.
• Prepare the tip envelopes with the bride, and decide who hands them over. The best man often does. Our tipping guide has the usual amounts.
• Pick up the suit and try it on with the shoes.
• Write a letter or choose a gift for the bride to give on the morning.

What does the groom pay for?

By tradition, the groom and his family pay for:

• The bride's engagement ring and the wedding rings.
• The officiant's fee and the marriage license.
• The bride's bouquet, the boutonnieres and the corsages for the mothers and grandmothers.
• The rehearsal dinner, usually hosted by his parents.
• The honeymoon.
• Gifts for his groomsmen, and his gift to the bride.

Today most couples pay for most of the wedding themselves, and families give what they can. Our guide to who pays for the wedding covers the full traditional split and how to agree a modern one.

The bride's checklist

12 to 8 months before

• Choose the maid of honor and bridesmaids, and tell them what you're hoping for.
• Start shopping for the dress once you've settled on the style of the wedding. Ten to eleven months out is not too early.
• Book hair and makeup. Good artists book a year ahead for Saturdays in the busy season.

6 to 4 months before

• Order the dress if it's made to order; many take four to six months to arrive.
• Schedule the dress fittings, usually two or three, the last about a month before.
• Choose the bridesmaids' dresses, and give them a date to order by.
• Book the hair and makeup trial, ideally with the veil or hairpiece you'll wear.

3 to 2 months before

• Have the second fitting, with the shoes and underwear you'll wear on the day.
• Choose your accessories: veil, jewelry, shoes, and something for the evening if you'll change.
• Start writing your vows and buy gifts for the maid of honor and bridesmaids.

The last month

• Have the final fitting, and bring the maid of honor so she learns the bustle.
• Apply for the marriage license with the groom.
• Pack the wedding day bag and the emergency kit, and decide who carries each.
• Write a letter or choose a gift for the groom.

What you do together

The biggest jobs belong to both of you, whoever carries them out:

• The budget, the guest list and the date.
• The venue and the main vendors: photographer, caterer, music.
• The invitations, and chasing the RSVPs.
• The seating plan, usually in the last month.
• The marriage license. In most places you both apply in person, with ID.
• The day's timeline, shared with the wedding party so everyone knows when to be where. Our wedding day timeline guide gives the usual times.
• The thank-you notes after the wedding, split by whose guest gave the gift.

The bride's wedding day packing list

Pack it the week before and add the everyday things the night before. Whatever's on this list, someone else should carry it after you leave the getting-ready room.

• The dress, veil and shoes, and the comfortable flats for later.
• Jewelry, the garter and something old, new, borrowed and blue.
• The groom's ring, unless the maid of honor or ring bearer already has it.
• Underwear and shapewear you've worn at a fitting.
• A change of clothes for after the reception or the morning.
• Makeup for touch-ups, lip balm, blotting papers, bobby pins and hair ties.
• Perfume and deodorant.
• Your vows, printed or written out, not just on your phone.
• Photo ID, in case the license or the venue asks.
• Phone and charger, and a portable battery.
• The letter or gift for the groom.
• Pain relievers, blister pads and any medicine you take.
• Snacks and water for the getting-ready room.

The groom's wedding day packing list

• The suit or tux, shirt, tie or bow tie, belt or braces, socks and shoes.
• Cufflinks, a watch and the boutonniere, if it isn't delivered to the venue.
• The bride's ring, unless the best man has it.
• The marriage license, if the officiant doesn't have it yet.
• Your vows, printed.
• The vendor envelopes, or know which groomsman has them.
• Photo ID, wallet, phone and charger.
• Deodorant, cologne, a razor, a comb and a lint roller.
• A change of clothes for after.
• The letter or gift for the bride.
• Pain relievers and any medicine you take.

The week before and the night before

The checklist's last two stages hold the jobs couples most often forget until the day:

• The week before: steam the dress and the suit, pack the day bags, finish the letters to each other and confirm the final timings with every vendor. The 1 week before page lists them all.
• The night before: give the license to the officiant if they hold it, pack the day-of items, set two alarms and confirm who's driving whom. The night before page has the rest.

Keep both lists in one place

In Linenfold, Tasks starts with the whole checklist, dated back from your wedding day, and every task has an Assigned to, so the bride's jobs, the groom's jobs and the ones handed to a parent sit in one list you can both see and filter. The bride and groom each have their own login on every plan, including Free.

Packing gives each of you your own packing list, also on every plan. The lists have categories ready to fill, each with suggestions to add in one click, from the rings and the vows to the phone charger, and you tick things off as you pack. The Wedding Day Binder prints both lists with the rest of the day for whoever's helping you get ready.

Start with the free wedding checklist to see what's due each month. When you're ready to split it between the two of you and keep your packing lists, create a free account.