Wedding seating etiquette: head table, parents and exes

Seating etiquette is mostly about two things: making sure the people who matter most to you can see you, and making sure nobody spends dinner next to someone they'd rather not. The rules below are conventions, not laws. Use the ones that fit your families and quietly ignore the rest.

1. Head table or sweetheart table

You have three common options.

• A long head table facing the room, with the two of you in the middle and the wedding party on either side. Traditional, great for photos, and the whole room can see you. The catch: the wedding party's partners usually end up at other tables.
• A sweetheart table for just the two of you. The wedding party sits with their own partners and friends, and you get ten quiet minutes together during dinner. Many couples say it was the best part of the reception.
• A family table. Both of you with your parents, or with grandparents. Warm and simple, especially for smaller weddings.

There is no wrong answer. Choose the one that leaves the fewest people stranded away from their partner.

2. Parents and grandparents go closest

Whatever you choose for the head table, the parents' tables come next, as close to you as the room allows, with a clear view of the speeches and the first dance. Traditionally each set of parents hosts its own table with grandparents, siblings who aren't in the wedding party, and their own close friends.

Grandparents and older guests should sit away from the speakers and near an easy route to the restrooms. A good seat for them is one where they can see everything and hear the toasts without hearing the bass line.

3. Divorced or separated parents

Give each parent their own table, with their own people, at an equal distance from you. "Equal" matters more than "close". If one parent remarried, their partner sits with them. Nobody should be asked to share a table with an ex for the sake of tidiness.

If relations are good, a shared table can be lovely. Ask, privately, before you decide. Don't let the seating chart be where someone finds out.

4. People who don't get along

You know who they are. Seat them at different tables, not at opposite ends of the same table, and not back to back between neighbouring tables either. Put a table or two of buffer between them and keep their sightlines away from each other where you can.

Exes follow the same rule. If both are coming, they each sit with their own friends, and neither sits at the table nearest the dance floor where everyone will notice them.

5. Couples sit together

Couples, including plus-ones and new partners, sit at the same table. Splitting them up to balance numbers is the fastest way to make a guest miserable. Enter households as one row with a party size, so the chart can never split them by accident. Our free seating chart maker works this way: a household of 2 uses two seats at one table and moves as one.

Children are the exception. A kids' table works well for ages six and up, close to their parents' table and with something to do. Younger children sit with their parents.

6. Singles and the "random" table

Don't build a table out of leftovers. Seat single guests with at least one person they know, and near people with something in common: the same city, the same hobby, the same age. A table of strangers can work if you seed it with one or two of your most sociable friends and tell them their job.

7. Vendors and helpers

Photographers, videographers, the planner, the band or DJ: if they're with you through dinner, they need a meal and a seat. Put them at a small table close to the kitchen door with a view of the room, so they can eat quickly and get back to work without missing a toast.

8. Escort cards, place cards and the chart

An escort card or a seating chart board tells each guest their table. A place card tells them their exact seat at that table. Most weddings only need table assignments. Assigned seats make sense for a formal plated dinner or a head table. Either way, the list you send the caterer is the same: tables, guests at each, and dietary needs marked per guest.

For the arithmetic side (table sizes, spare seats, how many tables to rent) see wedding table sizes. For the full method, start to finish, see how to make a wedding seating chart.

Frequently asked questions

Who sits at the head table? Usually the two of you and the wedding party. Some couples add the parents, or choose a sweetheart table for two instead.

Where do the parents sit? At their own tables, closest to the head table, with grandparents and close family.

Do we have to seat divorced parents together? No. Give each their own table at an equal distance from you, unless they'd genuinely like to share.

Should we assign seats or just tables? Tables are enough for most weddings. Assign seats for a formal plated dinner or the head table.

Put the rules into practice with the free seating chart maker. When you're ready to share it with your partner, create a free account and plan it together.