How to start planning a wedding: the first steps, in order

You just got engaged, everyone is asking about the date, and somewhere between the congratulations a quiet "what now?" sets in. Wedding planning for beginners isn't a list of 200 things. It's a handful of decisions, made in the right order, and each one makes the next easier. Here are the first steps, in that order.

1. Give it a few weeks before you plan anything

Tell the people you want to tell, enjoy the calls, and don't book anything in the first few weeks. Every wedding decision gets easier once the two of you have talked, and the venue tour that feels urgent in week one is still there in week four. The one exception is a date that matters for a fixed reason, like a family member's travel: write it down now so it's part of the conversation.

2. Talk about the wedding you both want

Before any money, any list or any venue, have the conversation that everything else depends on. Each of you, separately, writes down four things:

• Non-negotiables: what has to be there for it to feel like your wedding.
• Top priorities: what you'd spend on first.
• Nice to haves: what you'd like if it fits.
• Things you won't do: the traditions, costs or obligations you'd rather skip.

Then compare. Where you overlap, you've found the heart of the wedding. Where one person's top priority is on the other's won't-do list, you've found the conversation to have now, gently, rather than in month eight in front of a caterer. Linenfold's Priorities page is built for exactly this, free: each of you fills in your own columns, and Compare shows where you agree and where to talk. Two brides, two grooms or a couple writing your own traditions? Our guide to LGBTQ+ wedding planning covers titles, who walks when and the legal steps.

3. Agree on three numbers: budget, guests and season

These three decide the venue, and the venue decides most of the rest.

1. The budget. What the two of you can put in, plus what family has actually offered, as an amount; our guide to who pays for the wedding covers how to ask. Our guide to setting a wedding budget walks through it, and the free budget calculator splits the total into categories.
2. A rough guest count. Not names yet, just a range: 40, 100 or 180. Each of you jots down the households you'd invite and you add them up. The guest list guide has a method for when the number comes out too big, and the guest count calculator checks it against the budget and the room.
3. A season or a date. Summer Saturdays book up first and cost the most. A Friday, a Sunday or an off-season month can stretch the same budget a long way.

Write the three numbers down together. When a decision later feels hard, it usually helps to check it against them.

4. How long does it take to plan a wedding?

About a year is common and comfortable, because popular venues and vendors book that far ahead. Twelve to eighteen months gives you the widest choice of dates. Six months is very doable for a smaller wedding or a flexible date; the work is the same, just closer together. Under three months, decide quickly, book what's available, and skip anything that isn't on your non-negotiables list.

Whatever the timeline, the order stays the same: the venue, then the vendors who book up first, then everything else.

5. Book the venue, then the vendors who book up first

With the budget, guest range and season agreed, shortlist three to five venues and see them in person. Score each one against the same questions, so you're comparing the venues and not your mood that afternoon. The free venue scorecard does that side by side. Our guide to questions to ask a wedding venue has the twelve to take on every tour.

Once the venue and date are signed, book the vendors who fill their calendars earliest. Usually that's the photographer, the caterer if the venue doesn't provide one, and the band or DJ. Officiants, florists and hair and makeup follow in the months after. Everything else, from invitations to favors, waits until those are settled. Ask each of them the same questions, from what the price includes to who turns up on the day: our vendor questions guide has the lists, and our guide to comparing vendor quotes shows how to weigh them.

6. Split the planning between the two of you

Planning a wedding together works best when it's split by area, not task by task. Dividing wedding planning tasks evenly, one for you and one for me, sounds fair and leaves both of you half-responsible for everything. Instead:

• Each of you owns whole areas, end to end. One takes the guest list, the invitations and the seating; the other takes the vendors and the budget. The owner does the research, brings two or three options, and you decide the big ones together.
• Split by interest first, then by time. The person who cares about food takes the caterer. Whoever has the quieter months at work takes the busy stretch of RSVPs.
• Keep one shared place for everything. A list on one person's phone is a list the other can't see. Every task should say who it's with and when it's due.
• Meet for half an hour a week. Go through what's due, what's been booked and what's stuck. Outside that half hour, the wedding can stay out of dinner.
• Give helpers a clear job. A parent who offers to help is far more useful with "you're in charge of the welcome bags" than with "let us know if you need anything". The same goes for the wedding party: our guide to wedding party duties lists what the maid of honor, best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen and parents usually take on.

In Linenfold the bride and groom each have their own login on the free plan, and every task has an Assigned to, so it's clear whose move it is. Complete makes room for up to three more helpers, like a parent or a planner, each with their own login.

7. Start a checklist with your date in it

Once you have a date, even a provisional one, put it into a checklist that dates every task back from the wedding day. You'll see what's due this month and what can wait, which is most of it. The free wedding checklist has 111 tasks grouped by when they're due, and its first group is exactly what this guide covers: the budget, the guest count, the venue and the vendors who book up first. You can also read it by month, one stage at a time. Its Legal Checklist group holds the marriage license and certificate steps, and our guide to wedding legal paperwork explains them.

If you've already started a spreadsheet, that's fine too. Our wedding planning spreadsheet guide explains what to track in one, with a free template, and the whole spreadsheet comes into Linenfold when it gets too big.

What you can safely leave for later

Favors, the cake flavour, the first dance, the seating chart and the honeymoon can all wait. They matter, but none of them can be decided well before the venue, the budget and the guest list are settled, and the seating chart can't start until the RSVPs come in.

Open the free wedding checklist, add your date and tick off what's already done. When you'd like the two of you to plan in one place, with your own logins, create a free account; you can see what each plan includes on the pricing page.