When should RSVPs be due? Deadlines and reminders

Set your RSVP deadline three to four weeks before the wedding, or a week before your caterer and venue need the final count, whichever comes first. Send invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding so guests have a month to reply. About a week before the deadline, remind only the households that haven't answered, and call or message the last few once the date passes. Here's how to work out your date and word the reminders.

1. When should RSVPs be due?

Work back from the date your vendors need numbers, not forward from the invitations. Most caterers and venues ask for a final guest count one to three weeks before the wedding; it's in their contracts. Your RSVP deadline should come a week or two before that, which leaves time to chase the late replies and settle the seating.

A common schedule for a wedding on a Saturday in June:

| When | What | | --- | --- | | 6 to 8 weeks before | Invitations go out | | 4 weeks before | RSVP deadline | | 3 weeks before | Reminders done, last households called | | 2 weeks before | Final count to the caterer and venue | | 1 to 2 weeks before | Seating chart finished, place cards printed |

Move the whole schedule earlier for a destination wedding, a holiday weekend or a wedding where many guests travel: give them eight to twelve weeks from the invitation, and set the deadline six to eight weeks before, so they can book flights and rooms.

2. How long to give guests

Four weeks between the invitation arriving and the deadline is plenty. With much less, guests feel rushed; with much more, they put it aside and forget. If you're sending invitations by post, count from when they'll arrive, not from when you mail them.

If you sent save-the-dates, most guests already know the date and only need to reply. If you didn't, give them a little longer.

3. Put the date where they'll see it

Write the deadline on the invitation or the reply card, in words that leave no doubt: "Kindly reply by Saturday, 15 May" is clearer than "RSVP 5/15", which reads as 5 May in many countries. If guests reply online, put the same date on the RSVP page and close replies at the end of that day, so a late answer comes to you directly rather than slipping in after the count has gone.

4. How to remind guests to RSVP

Some households will miss the date. That's normal: count on a reminder for between a quarter and a third of them. Remind guests:

• About a week before the deadline. Early enough to reply in time, late enough that they've had their chance.
• Only the households still to reply. A reminder to someone who has already answered reads as though their reply got lost.
• Once in writing. Then, after the deadline, call or message the last few yourselves, or ask a parent to call their side's.

Keep the reminder friendly and short. Guests who haven't replied are usually busy, not rude.

5. RSVP reminder wording

A reminder needs the date, the link or the way to reply, and nothing that sounds like a scolding. Some wording to adapt:

Friendly:

Hi Ada and Ellis! We're getting our numbers together for the caterer. If you haven't had a chance yet, could you let us know by 15 May whether you can make it? Here's the link: [your RSVP link]. Thank you, and we hope to see you there! Nora and Tomas

Short:

A quick reminder to reply to our wedding invitation by 15 May: [your RSVP link]. We'd love to know if you can make it. Nora and Tomas

After the deadline:

Hi Ada, we're sending the final numbers to our caterer this week and didn't want to leave you out. Can you let us know by Friday whether you and Ellis are coming? Nora

Avoid "You haven't replied" as an opening, and skip a second written reminder: by then a personal call works better.

6. After the deadline

Once the date has passed and the reminders are done:

1. Call the last few households. A short call usually settles it in a minute.
2. Count anyone you can't reach as not coming. Tell them kindly if they turn up later saying yes, and add them if there's room.
3. Send the final count. Give the caterer the number coming and the dietary needs (what goes in the final headcount), then finish the seating chart. Our seating chart guide covers that step, and RSVP changes after the seating chart covers the replies that change later.

If you're still choosing where to collect replies, the free RSVP website guide explains what to look for, and the address collection guide covers getting the invitations to the right doors first.

RSVP reminders in Linenfold

In Linenfold, the RSVP page comes with every plan, free included. You set the reply-by date, and replies close at the end of that day in your wedding's time zone, or whenever you close them yourself. The page lists the households still to reply, and a daily email tells you who has. With Complete you can also:

• Send RSVP reminders by email to just the households still to reply, with the link and your reply-by date in the message. Anyone reminded in the last day is skipped unless you choose to send again, and the page shows who you reminded and when.
• Email your invitations with the RSVP link inside.

The features page has more.

Start with the free guest count calculator to see how many guests your budget and venue allow, and when you're ready to collect replies, create a free account.