Wedding party duties: maid of honor, best man, bridesmaids

Being asked to stand up at a wedding is an honor, and the first question most people ask right after "yes" is "so what do I actually do?" The answer is less than the internet suggests and more than a speech. This guide lists the usual duties of each role, from the engagement to the last dance, so the bride and groom can hand out clear jobs and everyone in the wedding party knows what's theirs.

Every list below is a convention, not a contract. Families, budgets and friendships differ. The most useful thing a couple can do is read the lists, keep what fits, and tell each person plainly what they're hoping for.

Who's in a wedding party

A traditional wedding party is a maid of honor and bridesmaids on the bride's side, a best man and groomsmen on the groom's side, and often a flower girl and a ring bearer. The parents aren't in the wedding party as such, but they have duties of their own, so they're covered here too.

Many weddings mix it up: a man of honor, a best woman, a bridesman, a sibling on either side, or no attendants at all. The titles change; the jobs don't. Our LGBTQ+ wedding planning guide lists gender-neutral wedding party terms. Two to six attendants a side is common, and there's no rule that the sides have to match.

Maid of honor duties

The maid of honor is the bride's right hand: part organizer, part calm voice, part keeper of the emergency kit.

Before the wedding

• Help with the dress. Go to fittings when asked, and learn how the bustle works before the day.
• Lead the bridesmaids. Pass on dates, dress details and deadlines, and keep a group chat that doesn't need the bride in it.
• Plan the bridal shower and the bachelorette, usually with the bridesmaids and often with family. Ask the bride what she'd enjoy, not what you'd enjoy.
• Keep track of gifts at the shower, writing down who gave what so the thank-you notes are easy.
• Be the person the bride can vent to without it reaching anyone else.

On the wedding day

• Be with the bride while she gets ready, keep the timeline moving and keep visitors to the ones she wants.
• Hold the groom's ring until the ceremony if you're asked to, and the bride's bouquet during the vows.
• Fix the dress and veil before the walk and for photos.
• Sign the marriage license as a witness where your jurisdiction needs one and the couple asks you.
• Give a toast, usually after the best man's. Two to three minutes is plenty.
• Bustle the dress before the first dance and keep an eye on the bride's bag, phone and lipstick all evening.

Best man duties

The best man does for the groom what the maid of honor does for the bride, with a bigger share of the logistics on the day.

Before the wedding

• Plan the bachelor party with the groomsmen, inside a budget everyone can manage.
• Organize the suits. Make sure every groomsman is measured, has ordered, and has picked up on time.
• Help the groom with his own jobs, like booking the officiant or confirming the transport, if he hands any over.
• Know the schedule for the rehearsal and the day.

On the wedding day

• Get the groom there on time, dressed, fed and calm.
• Hold the rings until the ceremony, unless the ring bearer carries them, in which case hold the real ones and give the ring bearer the pillow.
• Sign the marriage license as a witness if asked.
• Hand over the vendor envelopes. Many couples give the best man the final payments and tips for the officiant, the band or the DJ, so they don't carry cash themselves. Our tipping guide has the usual amounts, and the final payments guide how to prepare the envelopes.
• Give the best man's toast, usually the first after the welcome. Keep it short, warm and fit for grandparents.
• Round up the groomsmen for photos and send everyone home safely at the end.

Bridesmaid duties

Bridesmaids support the bride and the maid of honor, and share the fun parts as well as the work.

• Buy or rent the dress you're asked to wear, and go to any fittings.
• Help plan and pay towards the shower and the bachelorette, if you're able, and come to as many of the pre-wedding events as you can.
• Lend a hand on wedding admin the bride asks for: addressing envelopes, assembling favors, a DIY afternoon.
• On the day, get ready with the bride, walk in the processional, stand with her during the ceremony, and be in the photos when the photographer calls.
• At the reception, get people dancing, look after guests who seem on their own, and help the maid of honor with anything that comes up.

Groomsmen duties

Groomsmen do for the groom and the best man what bridesmaids do for the bride.

• Get your suit or tux on time, fitted, and bring the right shoes.
• Help plan and pay towards the bachelor party, if you're able, and come to the pre-wedding events.
• Usher at the ceremony. Greet guests, hand out programs, and show them to their seats, with family nearest the front. If anyone is seated in a reserved row, it's usually the groomsmen who make that happen.
• Walk in the processional and stand with the groom during the ceremony.
• At the reception, dance, introduce guests who don't know each other, and help the best man gather gifts and cards at the end of the night.

Parents of the bride and groom

Parents' roles have changed most of all. Who pays for what is now whatever each family can and wants to offer, and many couples pay for most of it themselves. What hasn't changed is that parents are among the most important people in the room. Their usual jobs:

• Help with the guest list. Each set of parents usually gets to suggest the family and friends they'd like there, within a number the couple sets. Our guest list guide has a method for splitting it fairly.
• Help with the money, if they're offering. Agree an amount early and write it down, so the budget is built on what's actually offered. The budget guide covers how to bring family contributions in, and who pays for the wedding covers what each family traditionally pays for.
• Host or co-host. Traditionally the groom's parents host the rehearsal dinner, and the bride's parents host the wedding itself, but either can, and so can both.
• Mother of the bride: often helps with the dress and the shower, and is with the bride while she gets ready.
• Father of the bride: traditionally walks the bride down the aisle, gives a welcome toast, and dances with her after the first dance.
• Mother of the groom: traditionally dances with the groom, and is often seated or escorted in just before the processional.
• Father of the groom: often gives a toast at the rehearsal dinner, and helps the groom's family feel welcome.
• On the day, greet guests, especially the older relatives, and be in the family photos when called.

Where parents sit at the reception, and how to handle divorced or separated parents, is in our seating etiquette guide.

Flower girl and ring bearer

These are the easiest jobs to give and the hardest to rehearse. A flower girl walks before the bride, scattering petals or carrying a small bouquet; a ring bearer carries the pillow or a sign, usually with stand-in rings. Three to eight is the usual age. Seat their parents on the aisle near the front, so a nervous walker has somewhere to run to.

Who pays for what

Conventions vary by region and by family, but the common split is:

• Each attendant pays for their outfit, their travel, and their share of the shower or the bachelor or bachelorette party.
• The couple pays for anything they ask everyone to have done or wear beyond the outfit, like matching hair and makeup or ties, the bouquets and buttonholes, and often the attendants' accommodation the night before.
• The couple gives each attendant a thank-you gift, often at the rehearsal dinner.

If money is tight for someone you'd love to have, say early that a dress they already own is fine, or cover part of it quietly. Nobody should have to turn down being in a wedding party because of the cost.

How to hand out the jobs

Being clear is the kindest thing you can do for your wedding party.

1. Ask in person, or on a call, before announcing the wedding party anywhere.
2. Say what you're hoping for at the same time: the events, the outfit and the rough costs. Let people say no gracefully.
3. Give each person a named job rather than "help where you can": the maid of honor runs the shower, the best man holds the vendor envelopes, one groomsman looks after grandparents at the ceremony.
4. Put the jobs in your checklist with who each is with and when it's due. The free wedding checklist already has the wedding party tasks in place, from choosing the bridal party to the bridesmaids' dresses and the thank-you gifts.
5. Share the day's timeline so everyone knows when to be where. A wedding party that knows the photo time is a wedding party that turns up to it. Our guide to making a wedding day timeline gives the usual times for each block.

Keep track of who's who

In Linenfold, the Couple Profile has an Important People section for the people your vendors need to know by name: each set of parents, the maid of honor, the best man, the officiant, and anyone else you add. The Wedding Day Binder prints the profile for your officiant, DJ and photographer, so nobody has to ask who the best man is on the day. The Wedding party page holds everyone standing up with you, in the order they walk, with their role, side, outfit color and how to reach them, and the timeline and the Binder use those names. Both are on every plan, including Free. The features page shows the rest.

Start with the free wedding checklist to see what's due and when. When you're ready to plan it together, with the wedding party in one place, create a free account.