When to send wedding thank-you cards (and if you're late)

Thank-you cards are the last job of the wedding, and the easiest one to let slide once the day is over. Here's how long you really have, who should get a card, a plan that gets them all out without a lost weekend, and what to write if you're already late.

The short answer

When the gift arrived	Send the card within
Before the wedding (from the registry, by mail)	Two weeks of it arriving
At the wedding or after it	Three months of the wedding
At the bridal shower	Two weeks of the shower
At an engagement party	Two weeks of the party

Gifts that arrive before the wedding are the ones couples forget: they're opened one at a time in a busy month, and by the wedding nobody remembers which came first. Write those cards as each gift comes in, while you still have the box in your hands.

Three months after the wedding is the usual limit for everything else. Sooner is kinder: many couples aim for a month, and guests who sent a gift by mail are often quietly wondering whether it arrived.

Who gets a card

Everyone who gave you something, whether it was a gift, their time or their money:

• Every guest who gave a gift, at the wedding, before it or after it.
• People who sent a gift but couldn't come.
• Bridal shower and engagement party guests, for their shower gift. If they also give a wedding gift, that's a second card.
• Your wedding party, for the time, the help and the speeches, even if they gave a gift too (one card can cover both).
• Your parents, and anyone who paid for part of the wedding.
• People who helped without being asked: the neighbor who lent their car, the friend who did your hair, the cousin who drove the grandparents home.
• Vendors who went above and beyond. Not required, but a short note (and a review) means a lot to a small business.

Guests who came without a gift don't need a card, though a short note thanking them for coming is always welcome. A couple who gave one gift together gets one card addressed to both of them.

A plan that gets them done

Forty cards is a lot to face in one sitting. Small batches are what get them finished.

1. Write each gift down as it's opened: who it's from and exactly what it was. At the wedding, ask someone you trust to collect the cards from the gift table and keep them with the gifts, so a check never gets separated from the name on its envelope.
2. Get the addresses together before you sit down to write. If you collected them for the invitations, you already have them; if not, our guide to collecting wedding addresses covers the quickest ways.
3. Split the list between you. Each of you writes to the people you know best, and you both sign every card.
4. Do five a night, or ten on a Sunday. Forty cards at five a night is done in a little over a week.
5. Draft the notes first. The free thank-you wording tool writes a first draft for each gift in a warm, formal or short tone, so the evening goes on the cards themselves. Print the drafts and copy them out by hand.
6. Tick each card off when it's written, and again when it's in the mail.

For the words themselves, our guide to wedding thank-you card wording has examples for every kind of gift.

If you're late

Send it anyway. A card that arrives late is always better than one that never arrives, and most people are simply glad to hear from you. Don't make the apology the whole note: one honest line is enough, then thank them as you would have on time.

Dear Tomas,

We're so sorry this note is late: the months after the wedding flew by. Thank you so much for the record player. We play something on it every Sunday morning, and it's become our favorite part of the week. It meant so much to have you there.

With love, Ada & Ellis

Six months, a year, longer: the advice is the same. Skip long explanations about how busy you've been, and keep the rest of the note about them and the gift.

If you're very late with someone close, a phone call first and a card after is a lovely way to do it.

Handwritten or not?

A handwritten card is still the standard, and it's what most guests, especially older ones, expect. An email, a text or a social post is a lovely quick thank-you on the day the gift arrives, but it doesn't replace the card.

Printed cards with a photo from the wedding are fine, as long as you write a personal line or two by hand inside. A card with only a printed message and your names reads like a receipt.

Keeping track in Linenfold

The free thank-you wording tool keeps your notes in a list in your browser, with Written and Sent to tick off as you go.

In Linenfold, the Gift & Thank-You log (with Complete) holds every gift with who gave it, what it was, and whether the card is written and sent. It counts what's left to do and prints the envelopes and labels from your guest list's addresses. Your list from the tool comes with you into your account. Create a free account to start, and see pricing for what Complete adds. The wedding planning checklist has "Send thank-you notes" waiting at the end.